Heavy and Light

One of the reasons I love Haiti so much is because of the many contradictions. Rayna put it best the other night when she said that the more she visits Haiti, the less she understands it. I think that's amazingly accurate. There are Bible verses and "Praise Jesus" signs everywhere. They're inscribed on cars, put on billboards, and shouted on streets. But voodoo is all-encompassing, and is so ingrained in this culture. There's so much that goes on in the city and underneath the surface of Haiti that I don't know about, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want to know.

Another contradiction that directly affects my time here is the combination of heavy and light. It would be so easy to be overwhelmed by the state of the people of this country. Children are starving, voodoo controls so many lives, and people will lie, steal, and cheat just to stay alive. Last week at camp, there was an older teenage boy who was trying to lure kids from our gate. He tried to call Garensley (who many of you know is the light of my life, and I love immensely) out to him, but we all know Garensley's family - they live right down the street - and didn't let Garensley go to him. Later, we discovered that Esmeralda, a 3 or 4-year-old preschool girl that used to live here, had been walking down the street with her aunt, who was distracted by her other children, when this same person somehow got Esmeralda up in the back of our truck. He exposed himself to her, and things could have been much worse if Jeff's brother hadn't seen and hit this person, who then ran away.

After that incident, it seemed like there were more Haitian men than usual outside our gate, and being more aggressive than usual. One grabbed Rayna's arm as she was walking between houses, and one of our junior counselors, Schneider, had to run out and scare him off. When I was walking my 35 5-7 year old girls between houses, there was a man following us and talking to them, and trying to get them to come out of line to go with him. There was another man with a bike who made it inside our gate, and Ethan had to shoo him out. After talking, Rayna, Ethan, and I decided that these were all different men. It's scary and sad, and it would be easy to be overwhelmed by the possibility of something happening. But all we can do is keep loving these kids, and praying for God's protection every moment of our lives.

These issues are heavy. They weigh on you and trouble you and make it hard to sleep. But Haiti, and life in general, is about more than the heavy things. There are so many light moments that make it worthwhile. Just two nights ago, we were filling enchiladas for dinner after a long day in the kitchen. Shelley made an offhand comment about how the enchilada filling would be great food fight material. Before I knew what was happening, Rayna had thrown some at Ethan, who in retaliation shoved a huge handful in my face. It escalated quickly, and we were chasing each other, getting enchilada filling everywhere - my eyes, my nose, my hair. Rayna was still getting it out of her ear the next morning. Of course, after this massive food fight between Rayna, Ethan, and I, we discovered that we didn't have city power, and therefore there was no water to shower. So we got a bucket and drenched each other with water from the pool.

There are so many more moments that fill my heart to bursting with joy. Every moment I get when a child comes through the gate, sees me, and runs over to throw themselves into my arms. Isabelle falling asleep on my lap after dinner and devotions. Dom yell-singing. Long talks on the roof with Rayna and Alex. Every time Andrees brings the kids to camp and I pretend I don't see Alexander so he can come up behind me and surprise me. Discovering Ethan's love of Taylor Swift. Hearing Emmanuel try to speak Spanish. Sitting on counters in the kitchen just in case rats come. Having poke wars with Jean-Elie. Erta calling me Sasou. Seeing the huge smile on Emony's face when we made her a birthday cake.

I don't know what life holds for me in the future. But it's hard to imagine that Haiti won't be involved. Even if it's not, my heart is irrevocably, permanently, deeply rooted here.