Better Late Than Never?

Even the best intentions can be thwarted by things like 400 kids coming through the house for camp every day, making food for the teams that came to help us, and most of all, a never-ending need for sleep. I promise that I had very good intentions to write a blog (even several blogs!) during camp, but here we are nearing the end of August, and as you can see, no blogs from English Camp 2015. Oops.

So, now that the number of people living in our house has dwindled to a mere 11, life has slowed down quite a bit. With the low-key environment, I’ve used my time pretty productively: working with Katie to get Hope addicted to The 100 and binge-watching straight through season 1 and onto season 2, eating chocolate cake for breakfast, and permanently (at least until preschool starts up again) erasing my alarm for 6:50 AM. I’ve really enjoyed this week of relaxation, catching up on sleep, and just hanging out with the Tlucek family, who can make any situation fun and full of laughter.

But this post is meant to recap camp, so here goes:

This year I took a shot at teaching younger science. Anyone who knows me should know how laughable this is, since I am in the social sciences/liberal arts for a reason. Math and science were never my favorites. However, armed with Hope and Andrew’s great curriculum, I had an absolute blast introducing my kids to all sorts of fun science concepts. What I enjoyed most about it was also what was the most difficult and frustrating: finding creative and engaging ways of getting the material across.

We did things like using different color glitter to represent germs and then shaking hands and seeing how eventually everyone had all the colors, so we should wash our hands frequently throughout the day. We made a volcano. We made a raincloud in a glass. Everyone colored a star and then we made constellations. We learned what makes airplanes fly – and practiced with our own paper airplanes. We pretended to be birds with beaks and learned how hard it is to pick things up when you can’t use your hands. We learned about pressure and what makes water stay in a glass when it’s turned upside down (hint: not magic). We learned songs and games and read books – did you know Finding Nemo was made into a book? It was, and it is a looooooong book. But when I tried to stop, all the classes protested, and one of my boys even looked up with a sad little face and said “We need to know what happens to Nemo!”

All in all, this was truly one of my favorite summers of English Camp so far. Most everything at camp ran smoothly, and there were only a few times when I wanted to lay down in the middle of teaching and just sleep. I don’t know why I’m still amazed, because I say this every summer, but these kids are just so smart. They love learning, which is possible even though they also love trying to get out of learning and causing distractions. They ask questions that I don’t know the answer to, and honestly am stunned that they even have thought of. I miss almost everything about camp – minus the early wake up calls – but I especially miss how they shushed each other as they filed into class and their big smiles as they chorused “Good morning Sarah!” coming in and “Thank you!” as they left.

All of the teams that came in were so helpful and we truly couldn’t have pulled off camp without everything they did. I’m thankful for the friendships that were made with them, despite only knowing some of them for a week – it seemed like much longer. However, I truly couldn’t have made it through the summer without the ones who were there for the long haul. Through the struggles and joys, they were the constant that kept me going. Byron and Shelley, of course, are always the calm in the middle of a storm. And the five-stars (plus Andrew!) had plenty of our own adventures – that one week we worked out regularly, the mornings that started with screaming loud enough to wake up the whole house, and the endless campaigning to get to flamingo lake (still waiting). People matter more than anything else in this world, and I’m thankful for all the people that God put in my life this summer – whether they lived here in this house, or came through the gate every morning. Even the smallest and seemingly most insignificant encounters had true impact.

The end of camp and graduation is always a bittersweet time. I was so, so proud of my class (and all of the classes!), seeing where they started from to where they were on graduation day. Their songs, Bible verse, and just excitement to share with their parents what they had learned made me so proud. Usually, though, graduation means that my time in Haiti is ending, and it always means that I’ll no longer see all of my kids every day. This year, since I’m staying in Haiti until December, only one of those was true. I am a little sad that camp is over, as I always am. Things around here are definitely less chaotic and less fast-paced. I am happy with the rest and relaxation that has been happening – with our time at Zanglais, a beach-side retreat in southern Haiti with lots of time in the waves, reading in hammocks, playing games, and time to disconnect from the world – literally, since there is no Internet there. I’ve also enjoyed the time we’ve had at home, to just hang out with the Tluceks, watch movies, and recharge for the next big adventure of preschool starting.

I’ll try to be better with these posts and updates, especially as we transition out of summer and into the school year. It will be a whole new challenge and adventure, but one that I’m excited to take on. Thanks for reading, and I promise to upload pictures to Facebook soon. In the meantime, my Instagram (sarahpease) has lots of pictures from this summer for you to check out if you want to. As always if you have any questions or want to know more about Haiti and the work going on here, please let me know!

Lots of love from Haiti,

Sarah

Facing Fears & Giving Love

I say that I love all of the kids at English Camp with complete honesty. From the preschoolers to the junior counselors, they're all very special to me in vastly different ways. However, sulky American 14-year-olds are intimidating to me, let alone Haitians who don't have any desire to try to understand my American version of Creole. I've always worked with the younger children, and I've always loved working with the younger children. I very much appreciate that they'll find different ways to explain what they want to me, using words that they think I'll know. I love being able to hug them and tickle them, and having them run to me to be picked up and held in my arms.

This summer, I've been teaching younger English since camp started. I really love teaching my class. I wait excitedly every morning for each of the four groups to come in and chorus, "Good morning, Sarah!" I even love orange group, the youngest group of boys who have yet to master listening, paying attention, or really anything besides causing trouble. Their eagerness to learn amazes me each day, and I continuously marvel at just how smart they are.

This week, a girl from a group that came in is teaching my younger English class. She's doing a great job and I'm happy that my class is in good hands. Since I was hoping to lead green group, the second youngest group of boys, my anxiety kicked in when I was asked to instead teach older English for the week. (If you need a sign of my selfishness, I only agreed to do it if I got my younger kids back for the last 2 weeks of camp.)

I was incredibly nervous. I knew some of the kids in the older groups pretty well, but I also knew some that take pleasure out of making life hard for their teachers and group leaders. It was with a small amount of excitement and a lot of anxiety that I started planning my lessons for the week. I wanted them to listen to me, and I wanted them to learn a lot, and have fun doing it. I had plenty of activities brainstormed for my kids, but games that entertain 5 year olds are less likely to entertain 14 year olds.

In the end, it was a combination of some really amazing friends here who are far more creative than I am, and remembering to trust in God that got me through. Any time I felt like I was at a complete loss for what to do, a fully formed lesson would come into my head, or someone would suggest something to me that ended up working perfectly. It was a true display of provision and a reminder that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

That's not to say that this week has been perfect - no week ever is. I've struggled with kids who enjoy creating trouble. I've had difficulty finding the right words to say when I'm teaching. I've had moments of pure frustration where I want to just give up. But through it all, I've been amazed at the pure and incredible love that I have for these older kids and that they've shown me.

Words can't describe how astonishingly smart they are. They know English words that surprise me every day. When we covered transportation, they wanted to add chariot and jet ski to our list. Today one of the older boys told me that he wanted to be a microbiologist when he grew up. In English. I love teaching kids who are so happy to be learning. I love playing games and seeing how competitive they get, and how it drives them to learn more words.

The older groups in general have been a different but challenging and exciting experience. I can't tickle them and throw them up in the air. The girls are sassy and stubborn and the boys are, well, 14 year old boys. In every class there are some sweet and kind girls and boys, but more often, you have to earn the trust of the older groups in a way that you don't have to for the younger groups. They won't come running up to you to be held, you have to approach them and take the time to get to know them and make them smile before they'll return your affection.

When it comes to my relationship with God, I want to be one of the younger kids. I want to freely give my trust and love, and do so unconditionally, with no expectation of hurt or pain. But, like most people, I'm more like the older kids. I want God to prove that He won't let me down before I put my trust in Him. I want to trust Him with some parts of my life, but not all of them. I want some kind of proof that He won't leave me before I rely fully on Him. The problem is that He's been proving Himself long before I was born. He sent Jesus to die for me, and never asked for any kind of proof that I would be worth it before He did so. He gave this gift freely, and wants nothing but love in return.

In the end, all anyone wants is to be loved. It's all that I want, it's all that my kids want, it's all that God wants. It might come easier for some of us than others, but no matter what form it comes in - older, younger, easily, or with difficulties - giving love will always be worth it.

You Will Be Safe in His Arms

I know that there are many of you who follow this blog for a number of reasons. Some people just like to know that I'm alive, some of you think the humanitarian work is interesting, and some want updates on my spiritual life here. (Everyone likes the pictures of cute kids, though. That's universal). This post is going to be pretty heavy on the God stuff, and I hope I have the right words.

I've always felt like Haiti is the one place where my faith has been the strongest. I wouldn't say that it's easy to rely on God here, but more like it's the only option. In a country where there is so much poverty and need, it's easier to realize that I, by myself, can't fix it. I need to trust in a God who has a plan, and who loves the children that I hold in my heart even more than I do.

Every morning and every evening, we gather around the pool for devotions. These are some of my favorite parts of the day. So often, it seems like God is speaking directly to me, addressing my struggles and doubts through whoever is speaking. Last week, we sang a song that has been with me ever since, so I'm going to post part of it here and share it with you. It's called "Safe" by Phil Wickham.

You will be safe in His arms, You will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, You will be safe in His arms

I love my life here in Haiti. I love seeing my children every morning and hugging them and playing with them and seeing them smile. There are so many wonderful, beautiful, amazing things that happen here on a daily basis where I see God at work and I see good things happening.

At the same time, I see so much pain and suffering that it sometimes takes my breath away. I see beautiful, smart, kind children living in situations that are unfathomable unless you've seen them. I see children who are desperately hungry for love and affection, and children who don't know what to do except lash out. I see children who want me to walk them home, but I have to say no because that would be unsafe for me, and I have to send them to travel those unsafe roads by themselves.

It's those hard moments when I have to believe that God isn't just present at camp when we teach Bible stories and tell these precious children that God loves them, which he does more than I ever could. God goes with them as they go home, and he has a plan for each and every child that I see come through our gate. In this world, there is no guarantee of safety, whether you live in the USA, Haiti, or anywhere else. Bad things will happen, and often we won't understand why. God never promised us a perfect world - that's only in heaven. But His promise, like the song says, is that He will be with us always. No matter what. When things are hard, when things are easy, God is our constant.

It's technically my job to teach these children English every day. More than that, what I wake up every morning planning to do is pour love into them, and be the hands and feet of Jesus as I serve them. I want them to know that I love them, but more importantly, God loves them and will never leave them. They know the God who created the universe, because that's what they hear about in Bible stories, but I want them to know that, just like the song says, those same hands that brought a world care equally about them. We might feel small or insignificant, but to God, we're just as important as anything that He's created.

Many people ask me if I feel safe in Haiti. It might seem naive, but I've never really thought that much about how safe I am. Something that Byron & Shelley have always said is that the safest place to be is wherever God has called you. I've never really been much for "callings" and "signs" from God, mostly because I think people tend to read too much into things and start manipulating everyday events to fit what they see as God's plan. That being said, I believe that God puts things on your heart for a reason, and if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that God placed Haiti on my heart. I know that I'm supposed to be here, with these children, showing them the love of Jesus.

More than that, no matter where you are, whether it's a Third World country or a wealthy American suburb, as long as you're in God's arms, there is no safer place to be. It's that message that I'm trying to remember and reflect as I look into beautiful, smiling faces, and see the joy and strength of this country rather than the pain and suffering. They are safe in God's arms, just like I am, and He is always, always with them.

Here we go again!

I'm sure this is something that my parents and friends back home won't particularly enjoy hearing, but every time I step off the plane in Haiti, I feel like I'm home. Ever since I first came to this beautiful, devastating, and captivating country in 2009, I've known that it will be a huge part of my life, and so far, that's been true.

It's hard to believe that it's only been a week since I landed in Port-au-Prince. It's been a whirlwind of preparing for camp, meeting new friends, and reuniting with some of the people that I love most in this world. Of course I adore my camp children, and seeing their faces light up when they ran through the gate and came to cover me in hugs and kisses filled my heart to bursting. But equally important to me was the reunion I had with the ladies who work in our house, and mean the world to me. And of course, seeing Byron, Shelley, Sue, and all of the Tlucek kids again was such a happy moment.

There is no way to describe English Camp unless you've been here, but I'll do my best. Just know that the best description that I can give is that it is an overwhelming, exhausting, and draining experience in so many amazing ways. I pour all the love I have into these kids, and they do the same, and it's a wonderful thing, but it's also hard.

The first week of camp this year, I got to help Aimee, a teacher from California who I absolutely adore, teach English to our younger groups (ages 5-9). Aimee left to go back to the States today, and I will miss her heart for the kids and her love for teaching greatly when I have to take over her class next week. She's a hard act to follow, and I'm so glad she had the opportunity to come here and discover what a pull this country can have on your heart.

We covered letters, shapes, colors, and body parts, and I got to do what I love best, which is just being with the kids and playing with them and loving on them. Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing them giggle, smile, learn new things, and play. It's so much fun watching them learn and to see how proud they are to show off what they remember from yesterday's lesson. I was so excited that I've already planned Monday's lesson. I love leading groups and getting to spend all day with one group of kids, but I love teaching them more, and getting to see how excited they are to walk into the classroom.

Everyone says that you're not supposed to have favorites, but everyone is lying because I have yet to meet anyone who could say they didn't pick a favorite child. I just so happen to have a lot of them. Alexandre, the one child who will always truly have my heart, ran right up to me and jumped into my arms, and I almost started crying. I love that little boy so much, and he's gotten so big! He's learning English so quickly, and is such a smart and funny boy. I honestly thought that I wouldn't get to see Schneider, Onaldia, or many of the other childrens' home kids ever again when I left last summer, so getting to hold them in my arms again was a bittersweet joy. I am so glad that I got to see them, but so sad for their forever families in the States that it's taking so long for them to come home.

There's more - Coussi, Garensley, Colsna, Beyonce (yup, that's her name - and she has the attitude to match!), Junior, Annie, Darlens, Obed, Judeline, Wood, and Jean-Wid were all ones that I sought out on the first day of camp to hug and tickle and tease. On the other hand, there are children who are precious to me who aren't at camp this year, for any number of reasons, but it scares me to think of all the possibilities there. It's at points like this that I have to trust that God has a plan for every one of these beautiful angels, and I'm only a small part of that.

Besides stress and kids and lessons, there was also plenty of fun this week. There were several birthdays, including Alex, our night guard who's really more like part of the family. Seeing his smile when he got a present and card that everyone signed made me realize that we're ministering to more than just the kids who come to camp. Fourth of July was yesterday! Even though I forgot for most of the day, we had an amazing meal of cheeseburgers, chips, ice cream, caramel apples, and other treats that we almost never have in Haiti. Shelley really went out of her way to make the holiday special, and it was so appreciated.

This was kind of an all-over-the-place post, so sorry for the lack of direction! I hope to be able to post later this weekend about what God's doing in my life specifically here. For now, I'm going to take advantage of this lazy Saturday and nap, read, hang out with some wonderful people, and continue loving my life here in Haiti. Hopefully I'll even get a chance to go over to the children's home and play with my loves there. Happy Independence Day and happy weekend!

45 Days!

The countdown is on! 45 days until I'm back in one of my very favorite places in the world, with people I love, doing what I'm passionate about. I miss Haiti pretty much every day, but for some reason, today more than others was filled with a wish that I could be in the hot sun running after 40 kids who have no plans on listening to anything I'm saying. It's strange, I know. But I can't imagine spending my summer doing anything else.

I'm leaving on June 28th, and I'm already counting down the days. If you want to know more, bookmark this blog or send me an email at sarahpease15@gmail.com - I'd love to talk with you about what I'm doing. And if you want to support me as well as the organization I'll be working with, whether financially, or simply in thoughts in prayers, that's always welcome. There's a "Donate" button right here on my blog and, again, you can always contact me with questions!

I'm looking forward to an amazing summer, and thanks for keeping up with me! :)

Green Group!

I love my younger girls to death. I think they’re adorable and all kinds of lovable. However, trying to corral 5-year-olds and make them pay attention in science and English class can be exhausting. That’s why I’m so overjoyed to get to spend the foreseeable future with green group! They are 10 to 12-year-old boys, and their rambunctious energy is exactly what I’ve been missing.

I have special favorites in green group just like I have special favorites in every group at camp. Whenshelove is the most deceptive troublemaker you’ll ever see. He is the picture of innocence, which he uses to pull off all kinds of mischief. He has enough facial expressions and sound effects to open his own movie studio. Obed only has one arm, but he is the most joyful, kind human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. He readily throws himself into games in P.E., eagerly places his hands on the shoulders of the boy in front of him when it’s time to form a line, and speaks freely about how God has blessed him. I envy and admire his attitude and spirit. Dimitri lived in the States for 8 months, and knows a great deal of English, but never uses that as proof he’s any better than the other boys. He spent the past week making a beautiful blue and red bracelet, which he gave to me today after camp.

Every single one of them amazes me with their intelligence, spirit, and heart. I observed today as they worked together in groups to name every major bone in the body (in English) in science class. I watched as they learned about different professions, and drew breathtaking pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. I smile when they ask to sing silly songs, and when they sit completely attentive and enraptured when reading Clifford books.

This update is shorter than usual because city power keeps flickering, but I just wanted to give you a look into what I’m doing this week! We had another family and a few other volunteers come in for the week, so there are more hands than normal which is great.

In other news, I still love Coussi so much. I walked her and Garensley home after camp today, and when we got to their house, Coussi handed me back a bobby pin she’d taken out so that she could play with my hair. Instead of taking it (knowing that I’d probably lose it within 10 minutes like I do so many other bobby pins), I told her to keep it. Judging by her reaction, you would’ve thought I’d given her a million dollars. Her thankfulness and shock that I would think to give her a “present” both warmed my heart and also broke it.

It’s just a reminder of how very much I still have to learn from these children, and how they completely, unchangeably, and firmly hold my heart.

Heavy and Light

One of the reasons I love Haiti so much is because of the many contradictions. Rayna put it best the other night when she said that the more she visits Haiti, the less she understands it. I think that's amazingly accurate. There are Bible verses and "Praise Jesus" signs everywhere. They're inscribed on cars, put on billboards, and shouted on streets. But voodoo is all-encompassing, and is so ingrained in this culture. There's so much that goes on in the city and underneath the surface of Haiti that I don't know about, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want to know.

Another contradiction that directly affects my time here is the combination of heavy and light. It would be so easy to be overwhelmed by the state of the people of this country. Children are starving, voodoo controls so many lives, and people will lie, steal, and cheat just to stay alive. Last week at camp, there was an older teenage boy who was trying to lure kids from our gate. He tried to call Garensley (who many of you know is the light of my life, and I love immensely) out to him, but we all know Garensley's family - they live right down the street - and didn't let Garensley go to him. Later, we discovered that Esmeralda, a 3 or 4-year-old preschool girl that used to live here, had been walking down the street with her aunt, who was distracted by her other children, when this same person somehow got Esmeralda up in the back of our truck. He exposed himself to her, and things could have been much worse if Jeff's brother hadn't seen and hit this person, who then ran away.

After that incident, it seemed like there were more Haitian men than usual outside our gate, and being more aggressive than usual. One grabbed Rayna's arm as she was walking between houses, and one of our junior counselors, Schneider, had to run out and scare him off. When I was walking my 35 5-7 year old girls between houses, there was a man following us and talking to them, and trying to get them to come out of line to go with him. There was another man with a bike who made it inside our gate, and Ethan had to shoo him out. After talking, Rayna, Ethan, and I decided that these were all different men. It's scary and sad, and it would be easy to be overwhelmed by the possibility of something happening. But all we can do is keep loving these kids, and praying for God's protection every moment of our lives.

These issues are heavy. They weigh on you and trouble you and make it hard to sleep. But Haiti, and life in general, is about more than the heavy things. There are so many light moments that make it worthwhile. Just two nights ago, we were filling enchiladas for dinner after a long day in the kitchen. Shelley made an offhand comment about how the enchilada filling would be great food fight material. Before I knew what was happening, Rayna had thrown some at Ethan, who in retaliation shoved a huge handful in my face. It escalated quickly, and we were chasing each other, getting enchilada filling everywhere - my eyes, my nose, my hair. Rayna was still getting it out of her ear the next morning. Of course, after this massive food fight between Rayna, Ethan, and I, we discovered that we didn't have city power, and therefore there was no water to shower. So we got a bucket and drenched each other with water from the pool.

There are so many more moments that fill my heart to bursting with joy. Every moment I get when a child comes through the gate, sees me, and runs over to throw themselves into my arms. Isabelle falling asleep on my lap after dinner and devotions. Dom yell-singing. Long talks on the roof with Rayna and Alex. Every time Andrees brings the kids to camp and I pretend I don't see Alexander so he can come up behind me and surprise me. Discovering Ethan's love of Taylor Swift. Hearing Emmanuel try to speak Spanish. Sitting on counters in the kitchen just in case rats come. Having poke wars with Jean-Elie. Erta calling me Sasou. Seeing the huge smile on Emony's face when we made her a birthday cake.

I don't know what life holds for me in the future. But it's hard to imagine that Haiti won't be involved. Even if it's not, my heart is irrevocably, permanently, deeply rooted here.