I say that I love all of the kids at English Camp with complete honesty. From the preschoolers to the junior counselors, they're all very special to me in vastly different ways. However, sulky American 14-year-olds are intimidating to me, let alone Haitians who don't have any desire to try to understand my American version of Creole. I've always worked with the younger children, and I've always loved working with the younger children. I very much appreciate that they'll find different ways to explain what they want to me, using words that they think I'll know. I love being able to hug them and tickle them, and having them run to me to be picked up and held in my arms.
This summer, I've been teaching younger English since camp started. I really love teaching my class. I wait excitedly every morning for each of the four groups to come in and chorus, "Good morning, Sarah!" I even love orange group, the youngest group of boys who have yet to master listening, paying attention, or really anything besides causing trouble. Their eagerness to learn amazes me each day, and I continuously marvel at just how smart they are.
This week, a girl from a group that came in is teaching my younger English class. She's doing a great job and I'm happy that my class is in good hands. Since I was hoping to lead green group, the second youngest group of boys, my anxiety kicked in when I was asked to instead teach older English for the week. (If you need a sign of my selfishness, I only agreed to do it if I got my younger kids back for the last 2 weeks of camp.)
I was incredibly nervous. I knew some of the kids in the older groups pretty well, but I also knew some that take pleasure out of making life hard for their teachers and group leaders. It was with a small amount of excitement and a lot of anxiety that I started planning my lessons for the week. I wanted them to listen to me, and I wanted them to learn a lot, and have fun doing it. I had plenty of activities brainstormed for my kids, but games that entertain 5 year olds are less likely to entertain 14 year olds.
In the end, it was a combination of some really amazing friends here who are far more creative than I am, and remembering to trust in God that got me through. Any time I felt like I was at a complete loss for what to do, a fully formed lesson would come into my head, or someone would suggest something to me that ended up working perfectly. It was a true display of provision and a reminder that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
That's not to say that this week has been perfect - no week ever is. I've struggled with kids who enjoy creating trouble. I've had difficulty finding the right words to say when I'm teaching. I've had moments of pure frustration where I want to just give up. But through it all, I've been amazed at the pure and incredible love that I have for these older kids and that they've shown me.
Words can't describe how astonishingly smart they are. They know English words that surprise me every day. When we covered transportation, they wanted to add chariot and jet ski to our list. Today one of the older boys told me that he wanted to be a microbiologist when he grew up. In English. I love teaching kids who are so happy to be learning. I love playing games and seeing how competitive they get, and how it drives them to learn more words.
The older groups in general have been a different but challenging and exciting experience. I can't tickle them and throw them up in the air. The girls are sassy and stubborn and the boys are, well, 14 year old boys. In every class there are some sweet and kind girls and boys, but more often, you have to earn the trust of the older groups in a way that you don't have to for the younger groups. They won't come running up to you to be held, you have to approach them and take the time to get to know them and make them smile before they'll return your affection.
When it comes to my relationship with God, I want to be one of the younger kids. I want to freely give my trust and love, and do so unconditionally, with no expectation of hurt or pain. But, like most people, I'm more like the older kids. I want God to prove that He won't let me down before I put my trust in Him. I want to trust Him with some parts of my life, but not all of them. I want some kind of proof that He won't leave me before I rely fully on Him. The problem is that He's been proving Himself long before I was born. He sent Jesus to die for me, and never asked for any kind of proof that I would be worth it before He did so. He gave this gift freely, and wants nothing but love in return.
In the end, all anyone wants is to be loved. It's all that I want, it's all that my kids want, it's all that God wants. It might come easier for some of us than others, but no matter what form it comes in - older, younger, easily, or with difficulties - giving love will always be worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment